![]() ![]() I sleep in a four by two foot storage locker. ![]() I recently came upon your notice for unpaid interns and I believe my experience and skills are an excellent match for your requirements.įor the last several years, I have been employed as a gimp in a box in the basement of Zed's Pawn Shop in Canoga Park, Los Angeles. ![]() For your pleasure, we present to you the Gimp from Pulp Fiction’s cover letter, which novelist and author of the story collection Ryan Seacrest Is Famous, David Housley, has so kindly brought to our attention (and published on his own personal blog, too, which you can find here). In fact, the offer is so appealing that applications are already pouring in. DO NOT APPLY if you have a work history containing any of the above. It’s not really clear from the letter whether or not “successful candidates” will ever be paid in anything other than the insults that will inevitably result when you’re caught using Gchat during work hours…though if you kick ass and "sacrifice" during your “rigorous and challenging probationary period either as an intern or employee,” maybe, someday, you’ll get paid.īut watch your step, lowly literary striver, lest you fuck up your probation! The letter continues:Īny of the following will be grounds for immediate dismissal during the probationary period: coming in late or leaving early without prior permission being unavailable at night or on the weekends failing to meet any goals giving unsolicited advice about how to run things taking personal phone calls during work hours gossiping misusing company property, including surfing the internet while at work submission of poorly written materials creating an atmosphere of complaint or argument failing to respond to emails in a timely way not showing an interest in other aspects of publishing beyond editorial making repeated mistakes violating company policies. DO NOT APPLY IF ALL OF THE ABOVE DOES NOT DESCRIBE YOU. possess multi-dimensional skills that will be applied to work at the Press look forward to undergoing a rigorous and challenging probationary period either as an intern or employee want to work at Dalkey Archive Press doing whatever is required of them to make the Press succeed do not have any other commitments (personal or professional) that will interfere with their work at the Press (family obligations, writing, involvement with other organizations, degrees to be finished, holidays to be taken, weddings to attend in Rio, etc.) know how to act and behave in a professional office environment with high standards of performance and who have a commitment to excellence that can be demonstrated on a day-to-day basis. The Press is looking for promising candidates with an appropriate background who…are determined to have a career in publishing and will sacrifice to make that career happen…. And because no one else will hire you, then maybe it won’t be so bad to work as the assistant to Dalkey Archive publisher, John O’Brien, where one of your primary job duties will be to “know what the Publisher needs or wants before he does”? ( Sic, regarding the capitalization of Publisher.) Really, given today’s tough job climate, you can’t afford not to apply. Don’t you, aspiring young literary buck, want to work with the publishing house that puts out novels by avant-garde auteurs like Damion Searls and Joshua Cohen? Yes, you do. So maybe the tone of this internship notice at the well-esteemed independent book publisher Dalkey Archive Press is totally justified. And finding paid work in publishing-where every English major who’s read Moby-Dick thinks he deserves a job editing Martin Amis and sipping scotch all day-is about nine million times harder than getting some shitty job at Duane Reade. ![]() As of last month, one out of every dozen Americans was unemployed. Everyone knows it’s hard to find a job these days. ![]()
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